"As a foreign-born American (an alien as alien as they come) whose actual name is Zbigniew Guzlowski... I lived in the US for 18 years before I realized that the reason I had no friends, no job, no future was that I had a name no one could pronounce. Zbigniew!
What was that but a mouthful of odd consonants in unnatural association! Imagine. A “Z” butting up against an “N,” a “G” leaning into another “N,” and all of this abomination ending in a “W.” Was there any such American name? One ending in “W”? Absolutely not. Since changing my name to “John,” I can’t say that all of God’s grace bathes my head and lightens my load, but I can say that things are a bit easier. People no longer frown when I say my first name. That only starts when I get to the second.
Now all I have to do is make some changes to Guzlowski."